Goblins abound throughout Norrath, yet it has been extemely difficult to get close enough to them for good observation. I, Trent Burkhart, will infiltrate a goblin tribe in order to understand what makes them so vile and obnoxious. My first step is to tint my body a vile shade of green, shave off my hair and manufacture a loincloth. Wish me luck!
“Life Among the Goblins,” by Trent Burkhart — One man’s journal describing the day-to-day activities of a typical goblin tribe. Appendix by Pearl Honeywine.
Day One — Goblins. The mere sound of the word brings to mind these shapeless, mindless creatures. I have tinted my skin using an extract from a local plant and am wearing a loin cloth that I obtained from a deceased goblin. By walking with a bow-legged slump, I can create the illusion of having the typical pot belly. There is not much I can do about my ears, however after shaving my head, I left a fringe around my temples to comb over the tips of my rather smallish ears. This will have to do.
Day Three — I am currently with the goblins of Runnyeye, in the Enchanted Lands. Thankfully, it is dark enough that no one questions my lack of appropriate ears. The goblin language is guttural and coarse. I have picked up enough of it that I can make the appropriate responses when necessary, though I would rather not speak to these foul, stench-ridden beasts. Why I chose to research goblins is beyond me!
Day Four — I’ve stumbled into something interesting and need to figure out its significance. Otherwise, my days are becoming somewhat monotonous. The evil eyes have used their mystical powers to enslave a variety of creatures to work on behalf of the goblins. It is interesting to note that in prior Ages, the goblins were themselves enslaved! Now the former slaves are the masters, and as I am trying to fit in with the goblins, I have much leisure time on my hands.
Day Seven — Have I really been here for seven entire days? Between sneaking through corridors and foraging up acceptable food, I have found some written records. At least, they are as much of a written record as one might expect of these low-lifes. There are many pictographs and symbols which I am copying down into my journal. Even if I don’t decipher them in the next few days, I shall bring this record with me to my home and work on it there.
Day Eight — Something interesting happened, finally! About a dozen or so goblins, looked like a group of Runnyeye brawlers, set out on a foray and brought back a handful of minotaurs. The minotaurs seemed rather spellbound and very docile at first, but then one of them broke free of whatever control the goblins had and rampaged through the area, killing several of the brawlers. The minotaur was eventually surrounded by the goblins’ war boars and taken down.
Day Ten — After pouring over the various pictographs, I believe I’ve deciphered the goblins’ tome! There are several references to the entities of the ancient times, notably Bolgin and Brell Serilis. While it’s not clear what these tomes mean, I find it fascinating that…wait…someone is coming.
Day Thirteen — I’ve been dispatched with a company of other goblins to the Citadel. I do not know what our purpose there might be, but it was made very clear to me that I am expected to remain there for some time. With any luck, I’ll be able to ditch these filthy tunnelers and head home with my research complete. I’ve finished translating the goblin origins document and just need a quiet hour or two to set it all down. Unfortunately, the Citadel is much busier than the tunnels ever were and I am constantly sent hither and yon.
Day Sixteen — It’s really quite a pleasure to have purpose in my life again. While in those dark tunnels, the days passed slowly because I had nothing to do but wander about lazily, like a goblin. It appears that they realized early on that I was not one of their own, but they were happy to have my company. Indeed, that is why they sent me to the Citadel, so I might be able to do some research in more comfort. Perhaps I’ve been mistaken about these pleasant little fellows all along.
Day Twenty — Busy, busy, busy! That describes my life at the Citadel! I’m in constant demand and it feels great! While I have no time now to dwell upon the possible deeper meaning of the goblin pictographs, frankly, I could not care less! Who cares where these friendly folk came from or whether they have language skills? It’s good to be busy all day long, rather than wonder what would happen should they discover my ruse. I am quite enjoying my new job cleaning out the muck in the war boar stables.
Appendix, by Pearl Honeywine — While in the Enchanted Lands, I found these notes which degenerated from intelligent discourse into random drawings and ideograms. It seems that the evil eyes had gotten hold of our researcher’s mind and managed to change a promising anthropologist into a raving mad slave. Alas for goblin research! At least our friend Master Burkhart will die happy and unaware of what he has lost.