Good Eatin’


Good Eatin’
Second Edition

This is a cookbook written by Halasian homemaker in which she details some of the local ethnic food of her homeland.

I’ve put this book together so other people out there can enjoy my fine cooking. My husband always tells me there’s nothing finer than a plate of my heddice. Sometimes I have to give him a good whallop upside the head as a gentle reminder to tell me, but that’s because he’s so busy gobbling down what I’ve made for him. These recipes are usually what I make for my husband and the wee ones every dinner.

Black Pudding: I always start dinner with a tasty black pudding. In order to make this meal, you’ll first need to go out there and find yourself a black ooze. Slimy little things, they cook up just fine with a couple of spices. When you’re done whacking it with your mace, you’ll need to bring it back to kitchen for the cleaning.

Its very important that you clean the ooze really well before you start the cleaning. There are a bunch of little balls inside the jelly things that you gotta cut out. If you miss even one of them, you’ll wind up making the pudding really bitter. Take my word for it – getting the kiddies to ear it when it’s not prepared right is like pulling teeth from a mammoth.

Once you have the ooze cleaned just right, put it in a bowl and start smooshing it with your fists. Once it’s nothing more than jelly, add in a couple fistfuls of flour and start mixing. Add in some crushed ice peppers (the sweet kind, mind you) and then put it in the oven for about an hour. When it’s done, you’ll have a nice brandy treat that everyone will praise you for.

Butterscotch: You can’t have a good pudding without having something to wash it down with. Always make sure to offer the people eating your food a good libation. My specialty is a tasty butterscotch. Take a pound of butter and melt it in a large stein. Pour in some scotch until the container has been filled and give it a good shake or two. If you’re serving to wee kiddies, just leave the scotch out.

Heddice: There’s only one meal that should ever be served at dinner, and that’s a hearty heddice. Now, I know everyone’s got their own opinion on how it should be prepared, but once you try my recipe you’ll never prepare it any other way. To start, you need to go out there and whack a polar bear. Make sure you get all meat and the head too. That’s the most important part.

Now get yourself some oatmeal and a seal’s heart (look for one about as big as your hand). Crush them together, adding in chopped onion for extra flavor. Once you’ve made a big ‘ole mush out of it, set it to the side. Now take a couple of wolf livers and marinade them in chicken stock. If you can handle even more flavor, mis in some ice peppers (not the sweet kind… that’s just disgusting).

Finally, get some chicken fat and melt it over a fire. At the same time, start digging out all of the gunk inside the polar bear’s head. When it’s all clean inside, put the livers and the oatmeal mush and shove it inside. Pour the chicken fat over the mixture, then sew up the neck. Boil the head in a pot of water for about ten hours, and you’re done! Once your family starts digging into that head lettuce, they’ll tell you they’ve never had a better heddice in their life!

Halas 10lb Meat Pie: When the winter get the coldest, you may want to add another plate to your meal. You can’t go wrong with a ten-pounder, I always say. An easy dish to prepare, you’ll need to gather a couple of ingredients first. First you gotta whip up a good, thick cream. I prefer to use polar bear milk, but use whatever you can find.

You’ll need a haunch of wolf, a brisket of bear (try brown bear for an exotic taste), a rack of mammoth and some imported lion hamburger. Soak all of these in that cream for about a day, then throw ’em in a pie tin and bake it for about six hours! Tada! One of the best desserts you an serve your family. The only difficulty to preparing this recipe is finding a pie tin big enough to hold all ten pounds of the meat (I’ve only been able to find ones that hold seven pounds).

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