A Romp Through Withered Lands

Day 1
Oh, what I wouldn’t give for a nice slab of centaur meat… Grilled to perfection! Errr, wait… I should be writing notes not thoughts… So, there I was! Sitting near the back of the room next to a broken table writing down all my genius ideas for the torso housing of my wonderful contraption, when one of the plants came alive and started spitting vile nasties at me! Let me tell you… It was rude. I even had giants nearby nearly stepping on me. I ended up dropping my schematic and ruining my brand new sweater my mother made me… It even had twirling cogs on it just for decoration. Gah! I loved that sweater.

Day 2

After losing my favorite sweater yesterday… I figured I would look around for something suitable to wear. All I can find is purple and purple really clashes with my eyes and skin tone. Anyway… I come across this poor excuse for a raptor who looks like its lost a hatchling. I mean this thing was frantic. I would be too! I once lost one of my sons in Thundering Steppes it was horrible. I was just starting to panic when I realized I had tied him to a hovering contraption tied to my backpack and he had fallen asleep. Man, was I embarrassed…

Where was I? OH YEAH! Now this is the good part… I followed the matron seeing if I could help it find its lost hatchling when all of a sudden she turns around and looks at me with hungry eyes… My heart just dropped into my boots. Which reminded me I was wearing my nifty jump boots. I rocketed up into the air away from the impending attack, but as I soared I dropped the schematic for my master control down on to the top of one of the nearby rocks… My luck just couldn’t get any worse.

Day 3

So… My luck got worse. I was traveling through the Holgresh Pass and I thought to myself, “Self… This is a good time to test out my Gnomish Cloaking Device!” There were lots of flying monkeys around and they looked angry… Angry enough to cook me up for dinner even! I mean what would my mother say to her friends? “My son was eaten by flying monkeys… By the way he was a genius, but couldn’t outsmart a flying monkey” NO WAY! I am good enough, smart enough, and dog gonnit people like me!

So, back to the cloaking device. I decided to take a detour since nothing could see me anyway. Something about half way down the pass caught my eye. It was a flying monkey teaching other flying monkeys hand signals… This confounded me! I snuck right up behind them to get a closer look and right when I did the larger of the bunch of flying monkeys turned around, grunted, beat his chest, and took off after me. It was so scary! I think I left yet another part of my schematic back there but I made it out alive and with a tiny bit of dignity… A very tiny bit.

Day 4

Yay! Swimming! I never turn down a chance to take a dip. This swamp was perfect. It reminded me of times back in temple street when I would pull out the wash tub and play sharks and minnows. Some gnomes thought it was odd that I would do this as an adult but hey… It was fun! Anyway, I was swimming through the swamp when what doth my eyes behold? BUBBLES!!! Being the inquisitive gnome that I am, I had to check it out. BAAAAD mistake! Apparently the bubbles were being caused by a HUGE monster under the water that formed from a pile of mud. It was terrifying. Oh yeah, I dropped another schematic. Are you starting to see a trend here? No? Me either. I just turned on my panic mode and ran on top of the water. I bet it was funny looking.

Day 5

Dry land! I finally found it. You thought I was excited before? Nope, this was it… The pinnacle of my travels. My feet were shriveled messes of wrinkles and smells you wouldn’t wish upon your worst enemy! And the water was making them worse! Anyway, I just noticed reading back through my journal that it is full of run on sentences and really bad punctuation… I hope no one ever reads this. It makes me look like a simpleton.

So, back to my story of day five… I was sitting there working on my tan, or lack there of, and drying my feet off when I heard this deep rumbling… I looked down and saw my cup of drinking water rippling with each loud boom. THEN A ROAR! I think I soiled my leggings… I left my possessions and ran right out of there. Figures… It was the last piece of my schematics. Who cares at this point? I lost the rest of them too.

Day 6

So, I figured out what I am going to do… I hate to lose my schematic for my contraption, so what I will do is find some poor schmuck and tell them what ever I need to tell them for them to recover my schematics for me. Ha! What could go wrong? As long as I don’t lose this journal, I will never forget the areas I have been in and can follow them while they look for the pages. Muhahaha, I am so smart!


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